he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
