you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You are a genius and a whore.
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