but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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