You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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