Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
