he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.