tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.