I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator