At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
