just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
