So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
