I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
