Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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