I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.