that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.