I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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