His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
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Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.