Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize