You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
