then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
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they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
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U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.