hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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