Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"