this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Your dad touched me again.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
