Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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