why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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