Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
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so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
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You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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