i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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