To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
