He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
