I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
