i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
