i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
