My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
