and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
