we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
