You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
