Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
