Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Congratulations! We have a period
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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