Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
