At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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