it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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