I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
