I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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