Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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