So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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