Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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