So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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