id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
