Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
