I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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