All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's blow job season.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
