It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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