It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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