i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
