This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
