I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
