I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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