just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
