literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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