I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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