I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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