How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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