I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
