barbara walters just said penis...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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