i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
