I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just googled if crying burns calories
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
