Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
