I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I smell like Dick and happiness
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
