"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
