my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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