I accidentally had phone sex last night
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
