U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
