Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
