the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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