Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
