well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
