I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
