Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
