speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
