I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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