ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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