I murdered the dance floor call the cops
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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