had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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