She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
