Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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