Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
