I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
